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January 6 2010

I don’t know what I want anymore

shazsays:

A week ago:

While Alice and I were house hunting it actually hit me that I’m moving out and I’m really not sure if I’m ready for it.

My parents keep telling me different things. Like one day it’ll be “I don’t want you in our house anymore” and the next day its “you’ll screw up your life if you move out and once you’re out  you’re out, this isn’t a hotel”.

Its not so much that I’m worrying about them, its just that I don’t know how I’ll adjust to living with friends. I’m just scared I guess, I’ve got cold feet.

But I really do not have time for this shit, like I’ve got to make up my mind soon and its such a big step to take and I’m afraid of falling and not being able to get back up on my feet.

This is actually starting to come out kinda selfish. I realise there are other people involved in this and I don’t want to let them down. I seriously need to get away for a couple of days and just think.

I’ve got it good at home, I’ve got everything I need. The friends I was going to move out with had actual reasons for moving, whereas I don’t really have one besides wanting to live out of  home and be independent.

:|

Tonight

I just told the person I feared most that I’m not moving out.
but I really need to tell Alice.
I’ll move out eventually but for now I’ve got it good at home and money to spend.

I am 22 and still live at home.

People underestimate the benefits, which, in my life at the moment, far outweigh the negatives.